1. |
Corefix
00:39
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Corefix
where the fucks the dream?
when you need a reason to scream,
its time to wake up and see!
the world keeps failing to meet our needs
we're a disease destroying humanity.
im losing love for my friends,
distant and lost in the past.
why do we always need to look back?
alone inside, still stuck on step 5.
therapy piss tests, aint my life just the best???
give up? lost all interest in love.
i remember the days when we didnt give a fuck.
pain was an excuse to skate off my issues,
and drown out the hate into substance abuse.
remember when we had nothing and loved it.
genuine fun and something above us.
look back and laugh at my antics,
those harmless mistakes became my nasty habits.
stop the shakes cuz im trying to sleep,
stop the hate, wide awake, and im burning out.
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2. |
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Episodic Streaming Delirium Syndrome
Losing sleep, I bet it’s from binging the week away,
And I think it’s affecting my speech,
Slurring my thoughts into mumbling nonsense,
And I’m lost in a delusional mess.
texting friends that I’ll never see them again,
stuck inside til this season ends.
browsing for another fix, just one more and quit.
but i keep circling back to start consuming the same old shit
sick of the world becoming a bad dream,
sick of the world becoming a bad dream,
sick of the world becoming a bad dream,
sick of the world , failing me
losing touch with reality around me,
living thru a screen of demented moralities.
mental healths failing, the physical is drained,
depleted and faint, continue watching til waste.
Blue light degenerating the retinal disparity
blurred vision, bloodshot, macular fading,
get the 5G to disintegrate your brain,
watch the birds fall, never once thought,
id be controlled by the very thing
i was always warned about and fought.
im Way Past too tired to fall sleep
Might as well continue living this dream
realitys become a nightmare to me
keep the lights dimmed, volume up
lock the doors, and windows shut
quarantine yourself for good.
sick of the world becoming a bad dream,
sick of the world becoming a bad dream,
sick of the world becoming a bad dream,
sick of the world , failing me
nothings safe beyond the front door ,
Too paranoid to leave the room
it seems the nights turn to morning too fast
need a balance between this couch and the bed,
isolating my self from the rest of the world,
submerged in a universe full of paranoia.
i long for an existence out of this mess,
but mental healths been effecting my every step.
forever since ive felt the sun ,
infected from episodic streaming delirium syndrome
sick of the world becoming a bad dream,
living in darkness no time for the sun
taking the steps to becoming nothing
confusing the days cuz theyre all the same
sick of the world becoming a bad dream,
sick of the world becoming a bad dream,
sick of the world becoming a bad dream,
sick of the world , failing me
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3. |
All Good?
03:55
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All Good?
im breathing slow and deep, and it seems
I’m constantly in search for my inner peace.
surrounded by a crowd full of negative vibes
trying hard to block out my paranoid design.
Im always feeling worn out and tired.
remember, theres another road to redirect the mind
and bypass the congestion of thoughts and distress
open up and find a new light to rid of this mess
how could we end up this way?
i keep thinking off course, im just star gazing, lost in space.
took a polaroid to remember the sky
cuz thats first time in a while that ive felt alive.
believing in nothing has numbed me
from feeling true love, and believing in something.
i isolated myself away from help
but now im looking for some guidance to find myself
escaping the truth when i felt depressed
a loner existence away from the rest of this sad cruel world
losing touch with my friends
and now im resetting all that was wrong with my head
everyday i replenish myself
with at least half a gallon of filtered tap water
and slip on some Vans, and go skate when i can,
live the dream playing under the sun,
lets soak the vitamin D up
all respects to the bees, and the rebels who fight this machine
full of rascist cops,
lets see an end to these laws and these stupid ideals
passed along that keep us from progress we want,
stuck home with some time to reflect
jot down a few thoughts and a quick mental check,
this lowered dose im trying's a new approach,
to clear up this mess from losing all hope
everyday i try new ways to tell myself its all good
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4. |
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Can't Fail It For The Cats
uh, its hard to be excited for the future
lookin like tomorrows a let down,
rents due the 1st, out of work for a month
drinking too much, and nothings enough to get up before one.
only motive thats left is these cats, that i love,
keep em fed, let em claw the couch to death, and be happy,
and thats all that keeps me sane,
if not for them id be halfway to another 4th floor psychward
laugh the past off and rethink
how the hell do i pretend its ok
that im better friends with a feline than a human being
maybe im finally seeing things wrong on with me?
unable to find a connection with anyone stable enough
to consider me a, person that they can confide in
make some dumb jokes about how this life is a nightmare
at least these cats know that im feeling down,
and out of my mind,
creatures of comfort always by my side
thru the good and bad times.
human lies are convincing enough to believe things are ok,
or the world is flat, fuck the youtube for that matter,
your cult shit is wack, the simulations gone mad,
and theres no turning back to the past.
its like everyone now thinks their voice really counts
your lack of science is flawed, you dumb fucking coward,
fight for what really matters, let cats have the bed,
while we lay our heads on linoleum floors
dream of becoming a servant to 4 legged alien creatures,
begging for freedumb,
its like every 7 years we get new cells,a brand new suit,
a new chance to change everything i used to hate about me.
focus more on the future, and mental stability,
but in a world where opinions are facts now
and my ignorant self doesnt follow everyones channel,
i cant grasp the times to help myself til its too late
imagine this life with 9 lives to make it right,
i feel like i keep changing minds,
and starting over all the time
it never does get easier,
but at least theres a few things left to hold,
that always turn the day around,
together watching upside down
ive been trying to make any sense of this existence
but im missing the link between this plane
and the meaning to my dreams
i just hope we'll all be fine together,
beginning to understand,
if not for us, I cant fail it for the cats
unfiltered news and god fearing humans
why the fuck are we still this stupid?
dont you get it? these blue lives dont matter,
upholding the law thru a racist systemic pattern
why would your god allow this madness?
phony good-doers hiding behind absolution
its easier now to see lies than ever before
But the system still fuck us over?
but we keep excusing this hate,
grasp the times to help ourselves before its too late
their objective is them first us last
just keep war out the plan so my cats have a chance.
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5. |
Sorry To Fade
01:01
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Sorry To Fade
currently, im sober and bothered by everything
still trying to find a connection
with anyone willing to befriend.
maybe over coffee or pizza or dms
i thought in my 30s things would be different
but im a loner at heart.
hit a wall, fading early
didnt see it coming,
mustve gone too hard in my 20s
off to bed at 10 up at 6, I’m over this
how is this any fun for anyone
but now im having more trouble coping in social settings
and i keep digging myself a bigger hole to climb out of
this self doubt, and unbalanced mindset
im over trying,
but need to find a better way to assimilate with you
without destroying myself
in search for becoming something else.
the world seemed nicer when i was in a daze
and the future was looking bright
look how wrong i was with this new 20/20 hindsight
surely im still missing something,
but nothing has calmed all these racing thoughts yet,
So im starting to sound apprehensive again
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6. |
Whatever Helps
03:40
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Whatever Helps
i moved away and had a plan
that i would just start this all over again,
clean the slate and escape the madness i was living in
a world full of paranoia and regret
i never intended to become such a mess
saving room to grow into this human shell
but i can never tell if my dreams
mean anything more than they seem
cuz certain things are too strange to be coincidence
so i like to think we're all connected somehow in the end.
it took a summer to wreck everything i used to believe in
no control over direction i was headed
introspective changes led me to a better way,
accepting my place to find peace in myself on this rock in space,
invisible to most, im close to understanding
what i need to be happy
with that being said,
im still lacking motivation to wake up and seize the day,
turning off the news to pretend, its all ok.
start the day off right with steel cut oats
and vitamin c, dark roasted beans,
a thank you note to myself
cuz we all need every little bit of help we can get.
its too easy to give up over the simplest shit.
uggghhh ,
the constant static in the airwaves,
and the clutter online,
too much to clear up whats wrong or right
divisive propaganda spreading lies,
dividing everyone
disrupting the simulations that run our daily lives.
we can have it all inside our dreams
but we live lost in realitywe can all,keep dreaming on,
find peace of mind and take the lead
deep inside i know that too much time alone will make me crazy,
even tho that contradicts my introverted tendencies,
ohhhhh,
you would think id be ok with the information at our finger tips,
what more do we need?
reconnecting with my sillyness,
i just dont give a shit anymore what you think about me,
I'll take a slice, some garlic knots with extra parmesan
a side of sauce and a can of welch's grape soda to go
im on the d train home, about an hour away or so.
thinking we should celebrate tonight and unload,
lets bust the fire pit out and ignite,
bring the darkness to light
thank you satan for saving my life
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7. |
Domesticated Reality
02:11
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Domesticated Reality
nothin is safe
half asleep, lucid dreams
of body aches, fever sweating thru pandemic disease
becoming a dystopian nightmare
living unseen with no sun for weeks thru hysteria
At least being a loner I’m used to being locked down
Never felt I was ever part of this place
Escaping the world on 7 ply board,
riding ventures Grinding out the kinks in my head
its better than this mess at home
breathing air full of paranoia drinking myself to death
constantly refreshing the news
hoping the world we love to hate doesnt fall just yet
feels like the end of days
with nothing left to lose
keep hoping things will change
but the worst keeps pushing me
to leave the past behind
and keep our dreams alive
first day of spring, quarantined
replaying earthbound for the first time since i was 13
seeing old things in a new light,
help pass the days by
living like a recluse with no end in sight
leaving all the lights on at all times to feel like im outside
deficient of sunlight
having conversations with a cat
who could care less about
trying to figure out where my heads at.
lost beneath all the stress
having to suppress the desire to meet up and connect,
has turned into a reality check,
do we all really need to have affectionate human contact?
virtually numb from a 5 inch screen
reading memes that the end of the world is near.
send a letter to a friend to remind them even tho we're lonely,
this isnt the end
introverted since birth,
been trying to learn
to get out of my head,
and be part of the world
friends dont come easy for me.
self isolated myself from society
but being forced into quarantine
i dont think i'll ever get out this house and enjoy myself
or the fruits of the earth
until i turn into dirt,
escaping this cult of domesticity
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8. |
Socioloner
03:14
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Socioloner
i just wanna be another person
you never take notice of when i walk by
and i just wanna come and leave this place
without you knowing that i even live a few blocks away
and i dont wanna say hi, or know how your day went
i just wanna make a story up in my head
about how we'll end up together
and move way out west and last til the end of our days.
i just wanna be another person
who you would forget about the moment we met
i just wanna get lost with you in my dreams
never to return to reality and
i just wanna understand the meaning that lays beneath
the need to feel un noticed
theres no telling where this is going
i wish there was some way of knowing
if these delusions are more than a dream//
i just wanna go out and know that
its ok to feel out of step with this world and
i just wanna be another person
that feels normal being more open than closed in.
i just wanna dance alone in the crowd
like theres nobody watching me act a fool,
if only i can translate my life in my dreams
to this repressed existence, would i feel complete?
and i just wanna finally piece together
all these millions of thoughts that are floating in space and
i just wanna hold on to hoping for better years ahead
or are we doomed to fail them ?
maybe these dreams are the lazy way out
but it keeps out reality from ever destroying a chance
that i know i will never fulfill in the end,
cuz in that life im filled with self doubt//
i just wanna be another person
who cant seem to sync with the rest of the world and
i just wanna hang out on the porch with my friends
talking life, playing songs til like 3 am,
i wonder if the clarity comes
when you let go and find something else to hold on to,
things can get so damn confusing,
with everyone trying to sell you their stupid points of view
i just wanna have a whole day to myself
rearrange everything thats been bumming me out and
i just wanna fix some things from the past
and finally kick these dumb habits that keep holding me back
there could feel like a million reasons to just give up
on your dreams and then call it a day,
but i just wanna be another person
that makes it way past whatever expectations you have.
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9. |
Keepsakes To Keep Going
03:22
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Keepsakes To Keep Going
i threw on that shirt that you bought me
the time we drove for like 9 thousand miles around the country
brought me back to better days,
not giving a damn where we lay our heads to rest
we both knew love was radical.
and every hour spent a sabbatical,
in that '07 orange dodge caliber
no matter where we went,
every moment in the unknown felt like home.
every sentence meant so much back then
in the salad days of no direction,
what you said that trip i'll never forget,
'i wonder where we'd be if we never went together?'
its kind of hard to remember every stop we made,
but i wrote a journal, document the days
and i still have a roll of ilford 35 millimeter
black and white film to develop
We can use the power of our memories, hopes and dreams
to help us get through to see a better day
its been feeling lately like the end of days are already here
but we can change direction for the better to the upcoming years
remember the days of rebellious youth?,
protest the state, to seek the truth
'keep pushing forward', written on the board,
fulfilling the dreams i used to have when i was seventeen
But I failed to make the grades
cuz my mind was lost in space
thinking of you and the brooklyn banks
tearing vans everyday through the layers of duct tape around my soul
i sealed my fate
the moment i met you
i remember i lent you a 7b lead pencil
to sketch a memory from growing up in the early 90s
that you felt was influential.
then flipping thru the pages, i saw your notes written in quotations it read 'the best days of our lives
were floating down the Delaware,
imagining life beyond the sky. ‘
found a picture of us from years ago,
still wearing that same old carhartt coat
from our trip to montreal.
that kept us warm, in 4 below
along the tracks to get the dethhouse show
let all the fun continue on
no matter what new dumb problems come
use the past to help you thru the madness
just remember look back now and again
at how good we used to have it.
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10. |
Most Important
03:52
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Most Important
when i had nothing else to lose
and lost hope of everything
i took 684 south towards new york
til my car gave up on me
and there i layed and thought is this the end?
i just totaled love and hope
not planning to die this young
and give up that easily
we'd jam on the porch til 2am
Wake up still strumming and drunk n happy
and buy another 30 some 40's
pretend there are no rules and screaming the lyrics til morning.
it seemed life was too good for a moment To us
But the dream was fading away
cheers for the last time, to friends and good times
lets not wake reality yet.
reminiscing the night, it was funny,
but i remember nothing
numbing my brain, pretending its okay
to leave behind what was best for me.
but i could never gotten to where i am today
without you
im still not sorry for choosing my board first,
i already know im the worst, im still growing up slowly
and making poor choices,
but i wanna thank you all for everything.
because without you i'd let bugs feed on my remains,
i was wrong and destroyed us along
with so many other lovely things.
time to turn off 500 channels
and try living differently for a change.
lets party
it finally got my attention,
off course too long, i was heading towards nothing.
lost all love, no feelings or thoughts,
driving drunk, never wrong, never right.
only thing left was a lost soul
left feeling awful for years i was drowning in alcohol.
never thought itd ever catch up.
but i messed up for too long.
hidden deep below i thought my drive was gone
but its just begun
decades of feeding my paranoia with news
the algorithms only relayed all the stories of doom.
mentally depressing any hope deep and unseen
using just to mask the reality of you leaving.
there must be a reason that you're still here.
a glimpse of hope underneath lay dormant for years.
im ready for change,
the partys begining,
im fucking becoming alive out of fear.
i cant lose what matters most
cuz I cant change alone
now times we spend,
are a lil more sober,
lets jam this song, over and over
til i never want to hear it again.
i wonder what we could play forever,
cuz i don't want this fun to end.
not yet.
not ever, my friend.
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11. |
Don't Forget You
03:13
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Don't Forget You
i dont think i'm gonna make it out this mess alone,
come walk with me.
i keep forgetting everything that i was supposed to do,
cuz talk is cheap.
im contemplating how to leave the past behind and move on.
but im stubborn and dumb
im stuck inside a life i made but i no longer belong.
what did i just become
Let’s plan a trip this week to break the routine
And never come back
i doubt myself in this dimension, never found a good path
in search for a chance
im often thinking how to be myself in front of a crowd
cut to black and shut down
its like im waiting for the future, turn a light on to guide me
to find you
todays another day to turn shit around
but im sleeping in
im slowly fixing every problem that ive burned to the ground
rebuilding the bridge
i dont mind if i lose sight of finding peace on my own
this journeys been lit
looking back i wouldnt trade the worst to live without it
become the spirit within
you could have it all but still be missing the point
if you search beyond the borders to discover your voice
get out your own head, theres another plane to exist.
you are all that surrounds, dont forget
you are all that connects, dont forget
you are all that destroys, dont forget
you are all that creates, dont forget
you are all that is good, dont forget
you are all that lives on, dont forget
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